Will I Ever Be Enough?
by ThatOneKrys
Summary: Killian, Emma, and Neal grew up as an inseparable trio. Nothing could tear them apart. Until Emma and Neal struck up a relationship, leaving a heartbroken Killian as the third wheel. What happens when, a couple short years later, Neal disappears, leaving a pregnant Emma behind? Will Killian be able to hold her together?
1. Prologue

Emma, Killian and Neal were near inseparable. All through middle school and high school, the three were rarely seen apart from one another, and it was practically impossible to try and get between them.

Despite the happiness they found together, their lives weren't always this good.

Killian was the oldest of the three, a year and a half older than Emma and Neal. His mother died from cancer when he was 5, leaving him and his older brother, Liam, in their father's care; a man who wouldn't be winning any Father of the Year awards anytime soon. As soon as Liam turned 18, their father disappeared, leaving him to take care of an 8-year-old Killian on his own. It was difficult, but they made it work. A year later, he met Emma through his classmate David, and not long after that, Neal.

Emma was an orphan. Left on the steps of a hospital, forgotten as quickly as she arrived. Bouncing from foster home to foster home, Emma thought she'd found a family who would love her in the Swans, only to find herself being sent back when her adoptive mother discovered she was pregnant. Having given up on finding a family at barely 7-years-old, she was amazed when a boy at her new school befriended her and one day invited her to his house. As soon as David's mother learned about the girl's circumstances, the woman decided then and there to adopt the blonde. It took a while for her to accept she had a family, but once she did, David took on the role of big brother. Which allowed Emma to slowly open up to her classmates, where she befriended another boy named Neal. A few months later, she met one of David's classmates, Killian, the two of them clicking instantly; she introduced Killian and Neal not long after that.

Neal's mother walked out on him and his father when he was 6; his father did the best he could, but could rarely provide for his son, leaving Neal to fend for himself more often than not. Half a year and a new school later, the boy refused to befriend any of his classmates. Except the one other new kid, a girl named Emma. Though both were cautious at the beginning, their shared abandonment was what finally brought them together; something Killian could relate to as well.

Despite all three having been left behind by at least one parent, the three vowed to never leave each other. A promise they kept for 11 years. Until Neal disappeared without a word, leaving behind a heartbroken Emma and a pissed off Killian.


	2. Chapter 1

He thought nothing could possibly hurt more than having his heart torn apart when he found out Emma and Neal had struck up a relationship. An _actual_ relationship. Something more than what the three of them grew up sharing. It almost felt like a betrayal of their friendship, being pushed to the side so the two of them could have their _thing_. Only made worse by the hidden fact he'd kept his feelings for Emma at bay for the sake of the trio.

It had hurt watching the girl he'd fallen in love with in high school fall in love with someone else. Best friends or not.

After two years of constant heartbreak, watching Emma and Neal together, (the only reprieve he got was when he went off to college, though came back nearly every weekend to see friends and family he missed while away.) he was certain nothing would hurt more than that.

_Damn_ was he wrong.

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><p>Standing in the bathroom, Killian stared at his reflection, bright blue eyes unable to hide the uneasiness he felt; the safety of his brother's house the only place he can let his true feelings out these days. He loved Emma and Neal, but he could only see them together for so long before he had to get away. Seeing them act all lovey-dovey, wrapped up in each other's arms, unable to take their eyes off the other for more than a few minutes. It made him remember why he left Storybrooke to go to college instead of sticking around and going to the local university—both schools had impressive naval engineering programs so it was easy to come up with an excuse to leave.<p>

Even if he chose to leave for school, he'd be back in town the moment someone needed him there. Emma and Neal included.

Which was why he was in town now. Normally, since it was the weekend before finals, he'd stay cooped up in his dorm room studying his ass off. But because tonight was Emma and Neal's graduation, and they had both called and begged him to come, he couldn't say no. Despite everything, they were still a trio, and celebrating their graduation was something he wouldn't miss for the world.

A knock on the door made him jump, turning when Liam's face appeared. "If we don't leave soon we're going to be late, kid."

"I'm not a kid," Killian grumbled, shooting an all too familiar glare at his brother. "I'll be ready to go in a minute."

Instead of walking away like he hoped, the older man shoved his way into the bathroom, arm wrapping around his shoulder as both brothers stared into the mirror. Killian tried to ignore Liam's imploring gaze, looking everywhere but back at him, failing after almost a minute. He sighed. "What?"

"You're amazing, Killian. You know that?"

Killian turned to look directly at him. "What? What are you talking about?"

"I don't know anyone else who would stay so loyal to his best friends in your situation. You're a damn saint." Liam smirked, and Killian could see the underlying worry in it. Which was no surprise. Liam was the only other person who knew the whole story. The only one who knew how he felt about Emma and her relationship with Neal. Who knew why he left and how hard it was to come back time and time again. _Why_ he constantly came back, why he couldn't turn away from the people he loved.

"I'm not a saint. Just an idiot loyal to a fault."

"Idiot or saint, you're a good friend, Killian. Anyone would be lucky to have you in their life." Liam gave his shoulders a squeeze and his trademark Reassuring Big Brother Smile. "Now come on. Grab your jacket and I'll meet you downstairs." With another squeeze, Liam was gone, leaving him to his thoughts once more.

A final look in the mirror, Killian rubbed his hands over his face and into his already messed hair, shoving his feels back down where they were kept while he was home. Stepping out of the bathroom and into his room, he gathered up his leather jacket from where it lay across his bed, slipped it on, and met Liam downstairs.

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><p>"Killy!" The nickname was squealed out barely seconds before a smaller body slammed into him and arms wrapped around his neck, the smell of vanilla and cinnamon invading his senses.<p>

Warmth bloomed in his chest as he hugged Emma back, arms tight around her frame. It was moments like this that reminded him why he was so loyal to his friends. "Hey, Ems," Killian greeted her, pressing a quick kiss to her temple. "Congratulations on graduating. Where's Neal?"

"Thanks! I'm so glad you're here. I've missed you!" Emma admitted into his shoulder, her arms tighter around his neck as if she was afraid to let him go.

Lifting her off her feet, Killian spun them around twice, getting lost in the sound of her bubbling laughter. "I missed you too. Which is the only reason I came back," he teased as she settled back on her feet.

"Liar. You came back because you love me and wouldn't dare say no to me," she shot right back, making his heart stutter momentarily. Before he could reply, she was rambling on again. "Still, thank you for coming. I know you have finals next week and Straight-A Student you needs to study."

"I wouldn't miss yours and Neal's graduation for anything."

"Speaking of, where is the kid?" Liam chimed in from over his shoulder, pulling Emma away to wrap her up in a hug of his own. "Congrats, Emma."

"Thanks, Liam." She returned, hugging him just as tightly as she had Killian. "He'll be here in a bit. He had to go do something involving his dad first." Disentangling herself from Liam, she wriggled her way back under Killian's arm and latched to his side once more. If there was one thing that could keep him in Storybrooke and forget about his heartache, it was how she hugged him.

"Killian!"

The two turned around to see Neal winding his way through the crowd, smiles on both their faces as the two hugged. "We were wondering if you were going to even show your face," Killian laughed, giving the other a quick squeeze before separating.

"Sorry 'bout that. Dad needed to talk," Neal apologized, something flashing in his eyes before disappearing behind a wide smile. An arm slipped around Emma's waist and pulled her into his side, a kiss to her hair brought out another giggle from her. "Hey, baby."

"Hey," she giggled again, turning her face into his shoulder, her cheeks turning red.

Killian had to look away, taking the chance to look around the auditorium and the students and families mingling about. After an initial sweep, Liam caught his attention, that look of brotherly worry flashing across his face before both turned back to the couple next to them.

"Killy! Are you even listening?"

"Hmm? Sorry, I was spacing. Thinking about the studying I could be doing right now," he taunted, tossing a wink at Emma.

"You'll survive one weekend without studying, dude. This weekend is about _us_, so get your mind back in Storybrooke," Neal laughed.

"I'll do my best."

"_As_ I was saying," Emma chimed in again. "Ruth is throwing a party for all of us over at Granny's tomorrow. You're gonna be there, right?" She stepped out of Neal's embrace and back into Killian's and turned her wounded puppy look on him; a trick she learned whenever she wanted something from either him or Neal. In 11 years, neither of them had been successful in building up an immunity to it. (Truth was, they never really tried, always unwilling to deny Emma anything.)

Killian laughed and hugged her again, hand cupping the back of her head to his chest. "Yes, I'll be there. I wouldn't miss it for the world. I am here for you guys after all."

One final squeeze between the two and Emma was back in Neal's arms. Killian excused himself, claiming the need for a drink. He could hear Liam follow after him, an arm circling around his shoulders a moment later. Head tilted to the side to offer his brother a small, sad smile in thanks of the silent consolation.

He managed to escape from the two for about twenty minutes, taking the chance to catch up with the handful of Emma and Neal's classmates he knew, before a solid form thumped into his back, arms circling around his waist before he could stumble forward.

"Bloody hell, Ems. You're going to break my spine one of these days," Killian groaned, arms lifting as he twisted in her embrace, arms resting on her shoulders.

"You love it, Killy. Don't pretend like you don't."

"Not if you break my spine."

"We'll worry about that when it happens."

"So comforting. Is there a reason you tried to bowl me over?"

"Neal and I are heading out. Grad party and all that. You know the drill."

"Mm, I do. Don't do anything I wouldn't do," he warned, dropping a kiss to the crown of her head.

"That doesn't leave us with much to do," Neal laughed, appearing at their side. "Can't promise we won't get into trouble, either."

Killian chuckled, reluctantly letting Emma go. "Try not to get hurt then."

"Promise we'll be in one piece for tomorrow," Emma insisted, pushing up on her toes to kiss his cheek. "See you later, Killy. Remember, one o'clock at Granny's!" she shouted as her and Neal ran off through the crowd.

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